The Secret
Tarot Reading

Similar in form to the Egyptian Cross, the final spread on the site is just what you are looking for, the Secret. Everybody who plays with tarot cards attempting to summon demons is looking for secrets. Of course they only desire this evil occult knowledge in order to 1-up their brothers. They do not love their brothers as themselves, or they would share the knowledge instead of use it to try to make people feel stupid. Oh the ignorance of their folly!

Like the Egyptian Cross spread, the Secret begins with 2 significators. In this case they are read as if they were crossed like in the Celtic Cross. Then above there are 3 chronological cards representing the past, present, and future. They are mystically labeled like the changing moon cycles, as the Secret comes from a dark place.

Cards #6 and 7 are labeled Dark and Light, Dark meaning the dark or emotional side of the issue, and Light conversely meaning the rational side of things. There is not really a final outcome, but there are 2 future cards to show the reader's dark fate, the "Waxing" card #4 already mentioned and the "Next Step" at the base of the spread. This is basically the outcome.

The final card, #9 is only considered part of the reading if it happens to be a Major Arcana card. Any Minor Arcana cards in this position only say that you didn't get a "Secret" this time. Maybe next time the devil's high priestess will be more generous.

The Hermit is an old man who has spent too much time in the mountains talking to himself. He has clearly lost touch with reality following his own light instead of the light of Jesus. He delusionally believes himself to be God. Malnutrition is sinking in and he hasn't even cut his own hair in years.

The guy is just a loser, actually less that a loser because he quit the whole game of life. Yet he goes off to some fictional mountaintop where he is king of the world. He is master of all he sees, but his vision is skewed.

This card is much like the third trump, the Empress in its representation of Sloth as a coveted treasure. The only difference is that she is rich and he is a bum.

Upright keywords: reject, sloth, outcast, unemployment, delusional, self-deception, aberration

The warlock who opened the gate of Hell in the previous card, with the devil's blessing, has succeeded brilliantly. Without warning we stumble upon, of all debaucheries, the gay parade! In a world gone wild with rampant abomination of things such as tarot readings being considered alright, anything goes. How quicky does mankind sink into its own vile pits, only four ranks into the suit.

They welcome us to the parade with open arms as happy as can be. But it is the devil's parade, and what is the devil's parade but hell on earth? The tarot deck is full of such warnings, but there's always somebody who just has to violate the warning. The sad part is that he ruins it for all of us.

Now the devil's army marches proudly down the street bearing the symbols of peace and love. They take the things we hold closest to our heart and pervert it with unspeakable blasphemy. When the devil's army marches down your street, where will you be? The guy who started this whole thing ruined everything for everyone, like one bad apple spoiled the whole barrel.

Upright keywords: country life, refuge, haven, home, repose, concord, harmony, prosperity, peace

The Sun card has a strange image of what appears to be an extremely happy child. Riding his own pony, what kid wouldn't be elated? The child's face is like the face of the sun, which also happens to resemble all those sun flowers in the background.

The Sun boldly beams light in every direction. Everything in the world depends upon it. Those who depend upon something tend to mimic it. This card is trying to tell you to follow other gods like foolish children who idolize rock stars in their silly little dreams.

Did I forget to mention that the child is naked? What more needs to be said?

Upright keywords: jubilant, animated, glowing, overjoyed, exhilarated, enraptured, euphoric, flying high

We notice from the court cards that the suit of Wands is synonymous with lizards. The fiery garb on his armor goes with the character of the suit. Also there are the pyramids of Giza in the background, for those who know geography. The pyramid, a triangle pointed upward is also the symbol for fire, as it is shaped like a flame.

Knights are mounted riders who are in pursuit of conquest and the spoils of war. This knight is certainly no Egyptian. He rides through foreign soil pillaging the land. He asserts himself with a dominant stance, his horse reared up.

The horse is just ready to spring into action. This is a card of potential energy, symbolizing a man who is ready to go. He is like the thief in the 10 of Wands but this time a thief with honor. He may be on a quest for the holy land, or at least that's what people believe about him.

Upright keywords: departure, absence, flight, emigration, a friendly neighbor, new residence

A thief looks over his shoulder as he makes away with 5 of 7 swords. Just like the 10 of Wands, their owners were having supper. This heist is not as easy as grabbing 10 wands though. Swords are a lot harder to carry so he can only manage 5 of them. He treads lightly, knowing that anybody in those tents might notice their sword or their friend's walking away.

He is tiptoeing away from the scene of the crime, wishing that he was invisible. In Waite's Book of Black Magic, criminals are encouraged to do heinous spells of unimaginable evil. Waite, the maker of this tarot deck was a sinister occultist who was one of the most notorious proponents of evil that the world has ever known.

Knowing just a little about the twisted mind of Waite, we may assume that the fez-like cap the thief dons is most likely his hat of invisibility. The pathetic spell that the man must perform to even become invisible requires a night in the grave yard, where he must dig up a corpse and steal its hand, which then of course he puts in his pocket for good luck when he does crimes.

Upright keywords: design, attempt, wish, hope, confidence, also quarrelling, slander, babbling

The suit of Cups started out so pure with the Holy Grail and love, but how quickly does love go too far. The caped crossdresser disguises his manhood to make it seem okay that he'ss going out for a night with the girls. The greatest shame here may be that maybe nobody would suspect the obvious.

An excess of love may run the risk of crossing the boundary of decency, as we see happening on this card. One woman is not enough for this fellow, who aspires to build a harem. He has a good start with these 2 young ladies as they party.

They fill their cups with the wine of excess. The days of the debauchery of the likes of King Solomon are long passed, but the spirit of such outlandish whoredoms has been reborn in recent years. Where this card comes up, it shows that there are people having too much fun.

Reversed keywords: pleasure, excess, debauch, party, mena je twa, groups, intercourse, public display

The Charioteer rides from city to city stopping to make public speeches. His traveling podium conceals a permanent erection that is the driving force behind all of his speeches. Blatant phallic symbols decorate the crest of his podium suggesting flamboyant bisexuality coupled with sexual addiction.

The hypocrite driving this Chariot speaks against the temptations of sex while engaging in every act of debauchery that presents an opportunity. His limits know no bounds. Children and the mentally challenged present easy targets for the roving predator.

His draft animals are sphinxes that are mirror reflections and color inversions of each other. Criminals are criminals day and night, so remember that during the day they must at least appear legitimate. Watch out for this snake oil saleman, who has probably only rode into town looking for a victim. Whether he's selling sex, drugs, or rock and roll, just say 'No' to this bad apple.

Reversed keywords: con artist, crook, cheater, criminal, traffic, rogue, charlatan, poser

The suit of Pentagrams is not concerned specifically with money or material possessions, but it does often represent these things. It is the most wicked suit in the deck, bearing the sigil of Baphomet, the goat-headed devil that speaks for Satan. Occultists used to call upon Baphomet due to the fact that they were terrified of the devil. The cute goat was a lot easier to talk to.

Like Richard Ramirez, the king represents the Pentagram in his left hand, the hand of the devil. Those who follow the devil have certain code words for what they do so they can conspire openly. One of the code phrases for being a satanist is 'the left-hand path.' It looks like that's what we have here.

The king of this suit is a real slouch. He is happy with the way things are as long as he does not have to work. This is a card synonymous with the sin of sloth. Sadly the king's greatest ambition was to watch everybody else do all the work for him while he 'balances the budget.' He is a strong personality who acts like he carries his own weight, but he rides on the back of others.

Reversed keywords: valour, ambition, business aptitude, mathematical gifts, success, acquisition

This particular Queen has the worst reputation of all the suits. She is known to rip people apart with caculated insults intended to strip people of their self-respect, utterly demoralizing them. She runs people down unmercifully and does not quit until she has broken their wills. She is like a dark cloud that ruins your whole day.

She plants the seed of psychosis in her victim's mind and then hatefully fuels its rapid growth. This is a dark sign of deep depression. High pressure so overly high that it depresses the pressure and the poor person ends up depressed, down in the dumps.

The power of the sword that she holds over your head is to do harm. The person in this card takes great satisfaction in the misery of her subjects. Her madness knows no bounds, and can easily progress well beyond the definition of torture.

Upright keywords: widowhood, sadness, embarrassment, absence, sterility, mourning, separation