The Secret
Tarot Reading

Similar in form to the Egyptian Cross, the final spread on the site is just what you are looking for, the Secret. Everybody who plays with tarot cards attempting to summon demons is looking for secrets. Of course they only desire this evil occult knowledge in order to 1-up their brothers. They do not love their brothers as themselves, or they would share the knowledge instead of use it to try to make people feel stupid. Oh the ignorance of their folly!

Like the Egyptian Cross spread, the Secret begins with 2 significators. In this case they are read as if they were crossed like in the Celtic Cross. Then above there are 3 chronological cards representing the past, present, and future. They are mystically labeled like the changing moon cycles, as the Secret comes from a dark place.

Cards #6 and 7 are labeled Dark and Light, Dark meaning the dark or emotional side of the issue, and Light conversely meaning the rational side of things. There is not really a final outcome, but there are 2 future cards to show the reader's dark fate, the "Waxing" card #4 already mentioned and the "Next Step" at the base of the spread. This is basically the outcome.

The final card, #9 is only considered part of the reading if it happens to be a Major Arcana card. Any Minor Arcana cards in this position only say that you didn't get a "Secret" this time. Maybe next time the devil's high priestess will be more generous.

The Empress gets to lounge around all day by the pool on her luxiurious outdoor lazy boy in her pajamas. She just hangs out talking on her state of the art cell phone when she's not on her laptop, playing video games, or watching TV. She is like the definition of sloth, having no job nor serving any useful and holsum service in the world.

Her luxury estate is high on the hill. She is queen of the bachlorette party once a month, even though nobody ever really gets married. The more you get to know about this woman, the more layers of sin become uncovered. Her husband is a lucky man indeed.

Reversed keywords: lazy, useless, couch potato, lotus eater, slacker, condescending, sponge, good-for-nothing

A guy comes in to steal all the staves while their owners were at lunch! This card is a reminder not to leave your stuff unattended. Now he will probably go and start his own mob of 10 men. That's what happens when people are so careless. They don't appreciate what they have until it's gone.

The thief in this card symbolizes the obvious, thievery and criminal behavior. It's a quick task that may take him only a minute to achieve, and the rewards are tremendous so it's clear why a criminal chooses a life of crime: laziness. They don't want to do all the hard work that it takes real people to build up their assets.

Upon closer inspection however, we notice that the life of a thief isn't always so easy. They have to worry about the consequences of their actions. What would happen if the mob of 9 had just came back from lunch? He has a lot to worry about. Also we can see that it is actually a very difficult task to run away while trying to carry 10 staves. He is having trouble keeping so many of them together.

Reversed keywords: difficulties, riddles, intrigues, analogy, mystery, clues, problems, equations

Only 5 ranks into the suit of Wands, mankind has already ensured its own downfall. Instead of turning the other cheek and loving their neighbors, man seeks vengeance as a source of pleasure. His lust for blood culminates in war, which is what we have here. This is the card of war and aggression.

What has actually happened is that man has avoided the LORD's commandments and forsaken His wisdom. The LORD knows that man's nature is perpetually evil, which is why He keeps warning us. Here the problem is that things have gone too far. Too many men are now opening the gates of hell, to the point where it even seems to become commonplace.

The competion has actually gotten so fierce that bedlam has erupted. Chaos ensues in an apocalyptic battle where it's every man for himself. This card means there is a big fight in the position it appears in the spread.

Upright keywords: fight, battle, strife, opposition, war, aggression, competition, greed

The Charioteer rides from city to city stopping to make public speeches. His traveling podium conceals a permanent erection that is the driving force behind all of his speeches. Blatant phallic symbols decorate the crest of his podium suggesting flamboyant bisexuality coupled with sexual addiction.

The hypocrite driving this Chariot speaks against the temptations of sex while engaging in every act of debauchery that presents an opportunity. His limits know no bounds. Children and the mentally challenged present easy targets for the roving predator.

His draft animals are sphinxes that are mirror reflections and color inversions of each other. Criminals are criminals day and night, so remember that during the day they must at least appear legitimate. Watch out for this snake oil saleman, who has probably only rode into town looking for a victim. Whether he's selling sex, drugs, or rock and roll, just say 'No' to this bad apple.

Upright keywords: journey, trip, adventure, mishap, travel, car, ride, visitor, an old friend from out of town

A girly man talks to a fish in his cup. Clearly somebody has had one too many. Delirium sets in as he starts tripping. The evil that is associated with this card is possession. Spirits that possess a soul may be invited by drinking, drugs, or other forms of personal experimentation. Such experiments always blow up in the person's face.

The fish emerging from the cup is actually an holy sign with dual implications. He holds the Holy Grail, which of course contains the Jesus fish. The cup symbolically holds the essence of Christ, the spirit of holy self-sacrifice.

The fish is probably telling the guy on this card that he dresses like a fruit and needs to be a man. He might think he knows himself, but he is not aware of God's plan for him. He better listen to the fish if he knows what's good for him.

Upright keywords: dreams, imagination, fantasy, figment, head trip, fancy, invention

The crafter from the 8 of Pentagrams is at work in the temple. He decorates the satanic ritual chamber. His work is overseen by 2 strange authority figures, a monk and a man wearing an entertainer's robe. His robe of lust is covered with lipstick stains, a clue about his secret side job. The rise of satanism has opened the door to all manner of debauchery.

Servants of the devil stand in mockery of the church. They mimic the same symbols that represent all that is good, a method of hurling childish insults at God. This card is the gate of temple of the devil. Evil men carry out their plan to open the gates of Hell.

The artisan puts the final touches on the gates. Proud devil worshippers direct the construction of the ultimate abomination. It is a sign of the times, how Satan has gained a foothold on the world by establishing his own church. God help us all.

Upright keywords: trade, skilled labour, craft, aristocracy, renown, glory, barter, work in progress

One dominant man laughs as his opponents don't dare challenge him. They are a couple of pathetic losers who know they were outmatched. They even abandon their arms in complete submission and hopelessness.

This card obviously indicates a dominant victory for the man in the foreground. He stands there laughing as he holds 3 swords. He is so proud of himself.

He laughs at others' misfortunes. The person who this card might symbolize in a reading would be most likely a bully who nobody likes.

Reversed keywords: loss, devastate, deplore, despair, abandon, quit, retreat, give up, surrender

The questionable attire that this guy flamboyantly flaunts makes me wonder about him. It's been a very extremely long time since it's been fashionable for men to wear tights in public. He lustfully gazes at the peak of the staff as he holds it in his hands like a baby. What a strange fellow he is.

He wears a derby with a prominent feather to symbolize that he is an accomplished individual, despite his appearance. He may in fact be merely eccentric because of the feather in his cap. Maybe that's why he's so happy that he prances around like Peter Pan.

It is obvious that he is a proud man. He is so proud in fact that he flaunts his style topping off flaming boots and tight tights by wearing a dress and even a cape! He is a performer, that's the reason why he dresses like that, it's just part of his job. What a strange job indeed.

Reversed keywords: schemes, conspiracy, bad news, indecision, instability, insecurity

The knight charges into battle ready to strike. This card suggests an extreme quarrel or fight. If it is supposed to mean a person, he is a man of action. Unfortunately his actions are totally destructive. He is up to no good. His mission of mayhem may have a mastermind behind it though.

An evil genius could possibly be sending this guy as muscle. The brains of the operation sends this guy to do the dirty work. Whatever the problem, we find this guy is sombody's problem solver. Even if the knight's mission is personal, he is there to do harm.

The position this card comes up in may show a brutal battle. An oppressive power rides in to take control by force. In his mind the ends justify the means, allowing him to convince himself that the excessive violence of his warpath is actually for the greater good!

Reversed keywords: aggressive, violent, battle, combat, derision, ruin, hypocracy, imperialism