The Relationship Tarot Reading

The devil offers relationship advice like a matchmaker of lust. This Relationship spread attempts to break down the realtionship between 2 people using a scientific method of psychology. It is interpreted by analyzing the differences between the matching cards on either side of the relationship.

The first card to be seen is the significator. This card represents the overall theme and mood of the entire relationship. Next we move to interpreting the 2 columns that characterize each individual's role in the pair.

The top row shows the conscious thoughts of each person, or what they think about the relationship and their partner. The middle row, cards #6-3 show the way each individual feels about the other.

The bottom row represents the way each person acts in the relationship. The stance they take could be genuine, or maybe it is just a facade.

The Fool is exactly what you are if you are using tarot cards. This card appears as a warning that you are in danger. You better be careful. You could go right over the edge. If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

On top of his complete disregard for the dangers that he tempts, the Fool is obviously a homosexual who is careless even when it comes to committing bestiality. He prances around like a faerie wishing that he could fall into the lap of a big macho man on his descent into debauchery.

The warning this card signifies should be heeded with extreme caution lest you end up falling into a bottomless pit with hell fire and brimstone at the bottom. You had better straighten up your ways too. Just because everybody is gay these days doesn't mean that the LORD has changed the law. Go put on some pants, weirdo.

Reversed keywords: stupid, idiot, retarded, moronic, dumb ass, imbecile, ignoramus, lemming

The pentagrams are arranged in the form of ancient Egypt's emblem of eternal evil, the Ankh. In this scene we see a family out in front of their house. Again we have grapes and drunkenness, as is familiar with this suit. The devil of wine is known as Dionysos.

Grandpa sits out front getting drunk as usual. The scene is a happy picture of home and hearth. The little girl plays with the family dogs. The family seems to have it all; wealth, happiness, and influence. The problem is that they are a wicked family who may be close with each other, but without friends.

The 10 pentagrams represent the height of power in this suit before moving into the royal court cards. This card shows that strong families are connected with the devil. Even Christ said that he came to break up families because whoever loves their family more than God is not worthy of Him.

Upright keywords: gain, riches, family, archives, home, abode, crest, affluent, upscale, first class

A glutton reels in pleasure after consuming mass quantities of spiritous beverages. He squats in a wide stance, feeling enormous after having committed the thoughtless sin. His ego swells as much as his stomach, yet his pride is false. He folds his arms on top of his fat stomach to conceal his growing embarassment.

He keeps telling himself that it's alright because it feels good so he keeps doing it. Before he knows it his physique will resemble the blob. Like the blob, his stomach will eventually eat him. Then it will undoubtedly continue to ingest everything it comes in contact with. Unchecked gluttony may not be the worst of the 7 sins, but it certainly is the ugliest.

The card, wherever it appears in the spread indicates a greedy person who takes more than their fair share whenever possible. He is like an obnoxious fat leach who ruins the party by eating all the catering. In his lame mind it is his birthright to act like an obnoxious fat stomach because that's just what he is.

Upright keywords: favor, contentment, satiety, luxury, abundance, gluttony, too much, fatness

Too many wands is just too many egos to work together without an extremely powerful leader. Without a leader, the mob that formed in the previous Wands card now becomes a menace without a cause. There is an organized chaos in the mob mentality, and their real danger lies in the randomness of their actions. They are prone to meaningless madness.

The democratic structure that they are so proud of is really just harmonious anarchy. They share the desire to do evil and as long as one guy isn't too much of a jerk, they'll probably go along with whatever the guy says. It may be that idle hands are to blame.

The danger of mob mentality is that nobody really knows who is doing the thinking. Without a leader, nobody has anybody to answer to so they all share the blame. Whever this card shows up, beware of random chaos.

Upright keywords: action, swiftness, messenger, haste, speed, felicity, fast, sudden

As the first card in the deck, the Magician is where it all begins. People are lured by the illusionist who deceives them with petty trickery, which A.E. Waite taught all about in his Book of Black Magic. He uses the tools of the devil to mock the powers of the LORD by mimicking Him. He self-righteously believes himself to comprehend the infinite faculties of the LORD through black magic.

He holds the same baton that the Whore of Babylon twirls in her fingers as she dances on the World card at the opposite end of the deck. Likewise as the Magician's mate is the Whore, this will also be your fate if you play with magic. The LORD does not approve of whoring yourself to idols through the use of magic, and a whore shall receive a whore's reward.

If you choose to mimmick the LORD, know that He does not consider this flattering. He shall smite thee with a curse, and you will wind up married to a cheating slut.

Upright keywords: meddling, gossip, slander, copycat, ill will, false knowledge, trickery

This guy apparently runs his mouth too much for his own good. He is in a position where he thinks it's alright to come down on everybody. But he quickly learns that nobody likes that. He has put himself in a position where it's 6 on 1. His chances don't look good.

So recently he was in charge, taking so much pride in his command of the others. But one too many insults has ruined the moment. Now he is at the mercy of those who he has offended. Unfortunately they are furious with his bad attitude. Fortunately they do not have stones.

Where this card appears there is someone whose arrogance has been very annoying to more than a few others. He is so obnoxious that they have ganged up on him to remove him from his lofty position. One thing is certain, he will not be commanding this group again without a miracle.

Reversed keywords: perplexity, embarrassment, anxiety, humiliation, indecision, stumped, all but lost

Only 5 ranks into the suit of Wands, mankind has already ensured its own downfall. Instead of turning the other cheek and loving their neighbors, man seeks vengeance as a source of pleasure. His lust for blood culminates in war, which is what we have here. This is the card of war and aggression.

What has actually happened is that man has avoided the LORD's commandments and forsaken His wisdom. The LORD knows that man's nature is perpetually evil, which is why He keeps warning us. Here the problem is that things have gone too far. Too many men are now opening the gates of hell, to the point where it even seems to become commonplace.

The competion has actually gotten so fierce that bedlam has erupted. Chaos ensues in an apocalyptic battle where it's every man for himself. This card means there is a big fight in the position it appears in the spread.

Reversed keywords: dispute, trickery, contradiction, hypocracy, cheating, bribery