The Past, Present, and Future
Tarot Reading

This simple 3-card spread is read like a chronological story. The positions are apparent, and there's not much need to give instructions based on the simplicity of this spread. One of the most commonly known spreads, if it didn't already exist in every book and tarot reading website there is, probably everybody that ever used tarot cards would have invented it themselves.

Twice the evil is twice the fun. Also twice the trouble. This joker balances 2 pentagrams, waving his arms like the sea. His perverted sexual innuendo likens himself to a human penis. I will not explain the depraved meanings of his solo dance routine, so not to glorify his self-abuse. It is better not to give this desperate, depraved fool any attention.

He likens the sea to a giant body of flowing semen. This is noticable as he mimics the high tide with his enormous testicles. There is no mistake about it, not wearing that giant condom top hat. The card clearly represents the male mating dance ritual.

The man might be a male stripper as the party clown. There's a better chance that it is just some pathetic chronic masturbator though, a sick soul lustfully devouring itself. Whatever the case, the card is all about a guy with sex on the brain, wearing a condom hat as if his thoughts were erect.

Upright keywords: gaiety, recreation, writing, obstacles, agitation, trouble, embroilment

A creek unwinds in the distance between flat plains and a rocky range. The Knight of Cups gracefully rides into the picture taking center stage. His helmet boasts a pair of wings, symbolic of his lofty imagination. He is a dreamer.

Like any card, his appearance can take on different meanings depending on which position he appears in the spread. He may represent a person of authority you will encounter, or he could represent you achieving a level of authority.

Mainly he is an emotional type. But he also has an influence of a lot of thinking, which brews a storm above waters that may appear calm. One moment the waters are mellow, but they are ready to go into a high tide at any minute.

Upright keywords: seduction, arrival, approach, advances, proposition, demeanour, invitation, incitement

The poor guy that was lynched on this oddly shaped vine has discovered enlightenment. They tied both hands behind his back and even went so far as to tie one leg behind the other.

Sometimes it is good to contemplate your existence and purpose, to become more aware and in touch with God. But this kind of satanic mimicking of the crucifixion is outrageous. The blatant satanic symbolism of the man hanging upside down on the cross may be the most blasphemous card of the whole deck, in a deck full of abominations.

Reversed keywords: mockery, derision, ridicule, copy cat, impersonation, mimicry