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The Secret of the High Priestess
Tarot Reading

       
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The Secret Spread

The Secret of the High Priestess

Similar in form to the Ankh, the final spread on the site is just what you are looking for, the Secret. Everybody who plays with tarot cards attempting to summon demons is looking for secrets. Of course they only desire this evil occult knowledge in order to 1-up their brothers. They do not love their brothers as themselves, or they would share the knowledge instead of use it to try to make people feel stupid. Oh the ignorance of their folly!

Like the Ankh spread, the Secret begins with 2 significators. In this case they are read as if they were crossed like in the Celtic Cross. Then above there are 3 chronological cards representing the past, present, and future. They are mystically labeled like the changing moon cycles, as the Secret comes from a dark place.

Cards #6 and 7 are labeled Dark and Light, Dark meaning the dark or emotional side of the issue, and Light conversely meaning the rational side of things. There is not really a final outcome, but there are 2 future cards to show the reader's dark fate, the "Waxing" card #4 already mentioned and the "Next Step" at the base of the spread. This is basically the outcome.

The final card, #9 is only considered part of the reading if it happens to be a Major Arcana card. Any Minor Arcana cards in this position only say that you didn't get a "Secret" this time. Maybe next time the devil's high priestess will be more generous.



The Secret Reading

Waxing Influence

Ace of Pentagrams
Present Influence

2 of Pentagrams
Waning Influence

6 of Swords
  Significator #1

The Wheel of Fortune
Significator #2

7 of Pentagrams
 
In the Dark

Page of Cups
The Secret (only comes into play if the card is of the Major Arcana)

The Fool
In the Light

Temperance
  The Next Step

King of Cups
 
   
   
In this spread there are 2 Significators. They may compliment or oppose each other.
Significator #1
The Wheel of Fortune

This card is full of evil Egyptian pagan symbolism to blaspheme the guardians of the garden. The 4 symbolic creatures clearly reflect the visions of cherubs by Old Testament prophets. The Wheel in the sky contains Hebrew characters written around a blasphemous occult sigil that looks to be out of the Necronomicon.

The Sphinx sits on top of the Wheel as the blasphemous serpent sidewinds down the left side. Riding up the other side of the buttocks of the devil Set is the Wheel of Fortune.

This Wheel is supposed to represent fate and karma. It seems that the forces of evil have taken the Wheel while the cherubs were busy studying the Bible.

Upright keywords: karma, fate, destiny, augury, prophecy, omen, providence, fortune

   
Significator #2
7 of Pentagrams

This is the card of intoxication and the depravity it spreads. Alcohol is a tool of the devil. Alcohol contains demons that eventually take full possession of the soul when enough is injested. Throughout all history and even before recorded history, alcohol has always been the most popular method of inducing demonic possession.

The husbandman is a perveyor of perversion. Like the vine pictured on the card, it spreads outward like a plague growing in all directions. Pentagrams, the universal symbol of Satan, decorate the vine like a Christmas tree.

The grape vine is one of the best signs to represent evil because they share the same capacity for growth and corruption. The husbandman must carefully restrict the vine's growth just to maintain order. The husbandman may represent an alcoholic or a bartender, someone who manages alcohol.

Upright keywords: money, business, barter, innocence, ingenuity, purgation, enginuity

   
Waning Influence
6 of Swords

A man takes his family on a lamentful journey. They could be going to a funeral or maybe just to the store. All the card says is the trip they are taking will be no fun.

The picture is like a recreation of the River Styx, with the father acting as the ferryman for his wife and son. All of the swords in the boat are representative of sorrow weighing heavy. The swords are excess baggage that they carry. It could also mean that they have become aware of things they should not have.

Flat calm waters are perfectly still except for their wake. A pale gray sky looms over this card which depicts a lengthly awkward silence.

Reversed keywords: bad trip, nightmare, rollercoaster, bummer, drag, downer, misfortune

   
Current Influence
2 of Pentagrams

Twice the evil is twice the fun. Also twice the trouble. This joker balances 2 pentagrams, waving his arms like the sea. His perverted sexual innuendo likens himself to a human penis. I will not explain the depraved meanings of his solo dance routine, so not to glorify his self-abuse. It is better not to give this desperate, depraved fool any attention.

He likens the sea to a giant body of flowing semen. This is noticable as he mimics the high tide with his enormous testicles. There is no mistake about it, not wearing that giant condom top hat. The card clearly represents the male mating dance ritual.

The man might be a male stripper as the party clown. There's a better chance that it is just some pathetic chronic masturbator though, a sick soul lustfully devouring itself. Whatever the case, the card is all about a guy with sex on the brain, wearing a condom hat as if his thoughts were erect.

Reversed keywords: gaiety, simulated pleasure, logical sense, writing, composition, exchanging letters

   
Waxing Influence
Ace of Pentagrams

The evil Thing that keeps handing off the sign of each suit offers you power directly from the devil. The printer called this suit Pentacles, when it is obviously Pentagrams in reality. The material and carnal implications of this suit makes it the most wicked of all signs. Though debauchery may abound all throughout each suit of the tarot deck, much of it was concentrated into this suit by the evil mastermind of black magic, Waite.

The pentagram is the sign of the devil. It is the satanic attempt to blaspheme the holy symbol of the crucifix; it is their response to the cross. The sign was traditionally used in evil occult ceremonial rites when they used to call upon the devil in secret.

After Anton Szandor LaVey branded his satanic religion with the pentagram, it was official: Satan was now being openly worshipped. Since LaVey's death, Satanism has flourished. When this card comes up it shows the seed of evil being planted. This card represents the essence of wickedness. It brings earthly and carnal delights.

Reversed keywords: wealth, bad intelligence, prosperity, comfort, material security, pride

   
In the Light (Conscious)
Temperance

The angel in this card is mixing strong drink. The triangle on his robe represents fire, and it is also a sign of alchemy. This enlightened figure looks like the guy who was crucified in the name of Satan on the Hanged Man card. Dipping his injured toes into the soothing pool confirms our suspicion. He was tied up by the same foot in the previous scenario.

We also notice that he's the same angel that appeared on the Lovers card. This guy seems to be a very important figure in the play of the tarot cards. He is apparently a messenger of the LORD, as we can see his face is like the sun.

Reversed keywords: elixir, intoxication, potion, dazed, bewildered, puzzled, mixed up, shaken

   
In the Dark (Unconscious)
Page of Cups

A girly man talks to a fish in his cup. Clearly somebody has had one too many. Delirium sets in as he starts tripping. The evil that is associated with this card is possession. Spirits that possess a soul may be invited by drinking, drugs, or other forms of personal experimentation. Such experiments always blow up in the person's face.

The fish emerging from the cup is actually an holy sign with dual implications. He holds the Holy Grail, which of course contains the Jesus fish. The cup symbolically holds the essence of Christ, the spirit of holy self-sacrifice.

The fish is probably telling the guy on this card that he dresses like a fruit and needs to be a man. He might think he knows himself, but he is not aware of God's plan for him. He better listen to the fish if he knows what's good for him.

Reversed keywords: delusion, delirium, madness, crazy, hopeless, space cadet, aloof

   
The Next Step
King of Cups

The patriarch of the Cups suit sits on his throne, which is adrift at sea. He is the king of the element of water. The extreme representation of him sailing the seas alone on his throne is as bold of a statement as if he could walk on water. Where is his kingdom? It must be under the sea.

His power is as solid as the foundation of his kingdom, which symbolically supports him. He must be as light as a feather if he doesn't want to sink. What good is a kingdom if it sits on the ocean floor?

Behind him on either side is a whale or large fish jumping out of the water and a ship sailing. He dons the dorkiest crown in the deck, looking like a real nerd. Perhaps that is why he seems so isolated and detached from his world.

Upright keywords: fair, responsible, equity, science, judge, experience, art, creativity, intelligence

   
The Secret
(Only consider this card relevant to your reading if it is a Major Arcana. Cards from the Minor Arcana are ignored.)
The Fool

The Fool is exactly what you are if you are using tarot cards. This card appears as a warning that you are in danger. You better be careful. You could go right over the edge. If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

On top of his complete disregard for the dangers that he tempts, the Fool is obviously a homosexual who is careless even when it comes to committing bestiality. He prances around like a faerie wishing that he could fall into the lap of a big macho man on his descent into debauchery.

The warning this card signifies should be heeded with extreme caution lest you end up falling into a bottomless pit with hell fire and brimstone at the bottom. You had better straighten up your ways too. Just because everybody is gay these days doesn't mean that the LORD has changed the law. Go put on some pants, weirdo.

Upright keywords: careless, flighty, hair-brained, dreamy, wreckless, happy, aloof, happy

 
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