The Relationship Tarot Reading

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The Relationship Spread

The Relationship

The devil offers relationship advice like a matchmaker of lust. This Relationship spread attempts to break down the realtionship between 2 people using a scientific method of psychology. It is interpreted by analyzing the differences between the matching cards on either side of the relationship.

The first card to be seen is the significator. This card represents the overall theme and mood of the entire relationship. Next we move to interpreting the 2 columns that characterize each individual's role in the pair.

The top row shows the conscious thoughts of each person, or what they think about the relationship and their partner. The middle row, cards #6-3 show the way each individual feels about the other.

The bottom row represents the way each person acts in the relationship. The stance they take could be genuine, or maybe it is just a facade.

The Relationship Reading

  You   Other Person
5 of Swords
The Hierophant
The Hanged Man

9 of Cups

King of Swords
(external appearance)

The Devil
10 of Pentagrams


9 of Cups

A glutton reels in pleasure after consuming mass quantities of spiritous beverages. He squats in a wide stance, feeling enormous after having committed the thoughtless sin. His ego swells as much as his stomach, yet his pride is false. He folds his arms on top of his fat stomach to conceal his growing embarassment.

He keeps telling himself that it's alright because it feels good so he keeps doing it. Before he knows it his physique will resemble the blob. Like the blob, his stomach will eventually eat him. Then it will undoubtedly continue to ingest everything it comes in contact with. Unchecked gluttony may not be the worst of the 7 sins, but it certainly is the ugliest.

The card, wherever it appears in the spread indicates a greedy person who takes more than their fair share whenever possible. He is like an obnoxious fat leach who ruins the party by eating all the catering. In his lame mind it is his birthright to act like an obnoxious fat stomach because that's just what he is.

Upright keywords: favor, contentment, satiety, luxury, abundance, gluttony, too much, fatness


Your Thoughts

5 of Swords

One dominant man laughs as his opponents don't dare challenge him. They are a couple of pathetic losers who know they were outmatched. They even abandon their arms in complete submission and hopelessness.

This card obviously indicates a dominant victory for the man in the foreground. He stands there laughing as he holds 3 swords. He is so proud of himself.

He laughs at others' misfortunes. The person who this card might symbolize in a reading would be most likely a bully who nobody likes.

Reversed keywords: loss, devastate, deplore, despair, abandon, quit, retreat, give up, surrender

Their Thoughts

The Hierophant

The card you see here is the Pope of the tarot trumps. He is the man who has the keys to the male secrets of creation. As the leader of the church, he is a symbol for all that is good in the tarot deck. Though his wife is a pagan heathen harlot, he is not supposed to have a wife. What? Something is wrong here. Anyway, he's supposed to be like the president of heaven, so maybe the B and J pillars are symbolic of his fate.

His minions do his bidding, and they are known to have some pretty funky hairdos. This guy is basically like the Emperor, worrying more about telling people what to do than taking care of personal issues. Of course his sphere of power is different, as he governs the laws of God.

Upright keywords: understanding, wisdom, holy, spiritual, adept, astute, keen, knowing


Your Emotions

The Hanged Man

The poor guy that was lynched on this oddly shaped vine has discovered enlightenment. They tied both hands behind his back and even went so far as to tie one leg behind the other.

Sometimes it is good to contemplate your existence and purpose, to become more aware and in touch with God. But this kind of satanic mimicking of the crucifixion is outrageous. The blatant satanic symbolism of the man hanging upside down on the cross may be the most blasphemous card of the whole deck, in a deck full of abominations.

Upright keywords: self-sacrifice, forfeit, give up, let go, surrender, offer

Their Emotions

King of Swords

This is a man who thinks he knows it all. Just because of his above average intelligence, the devil tells him that he is the smartest man alive. Consequentially he continually outsmarts himself. He insults his subjects that he hopes to teach and generally does unintentional harm in the name of good due to the sharp blade he carelessly wields.

The proverbial know-it-all has the sign of the butterfly on his throne. Also birds in the distant sky make the card symbolic of his mind being like an open sky, his thought flighty. It is fertile ground for unclean thoughts when a man's mind is too open.

An open mind invites evil deeds. Butterflies are like the way he quickly dodges any kind of accusation. They also show that he is very nervous in his demeanor, a guy who is constantly thinking. Unfortunately like his queen, his thoughts are ultimately destructive.

Reversed keywords: cruelty, vulgar, perverse, barbarian, perfidy, evil intention, malice, crude


Your Facade

The Devil

Adam and Eve after their fall from ignorance are pictured on the Devil card. Under his watch they are chained up like dogs. This is the fate that the Devil wants for all of us, but lucky for us Jesus Christ is our saviour. They have taken on the traits of the Devil under his influence. They are subject to their lower nature which the Devil delights in, having kidnapped God's children.

Arthur Edward Waite, the occultist who masterminded the most infamous version of the tarot deck in history, was known to be a black magician who encouraged grave robbing and other such unthinkable crimes. He wrote all about how to do it in The Book of Black Magic.

The Devil has come to enslave you. He wants to make you a deal you can't refuse so that you wind up selling him your birthright. The Devil feasts on the souls of ignorant fools who play with tarot cards thinking they are going to one-up their fellow men. These methods only work in the short term and are certain to come crashing down on you in the end, much like the next card.

Upright keywords: obedience, slavery, servitude, oppression, carnal desires, petty concerns

Their Facade

10 of Pentagrams

The pentagrams are arranged in the form of ancient Egypt's emblem of eternal evil, the Ankh. In this scene we see a family out in front of their house. Again we have grapes and drunkenness, as is familiar with this suit. The devil of wine is known as Dionysos.

Grandpa sits out front getting drunk as usual. The scene is a happy picture of home and hearth. The little girl plays with the family dogs. The family seems to have it all; wealth, happiness, and influence. The problem is that they are a wicked family who may be close with each other, but without friends.

The 10 pentagrams represent the height of power in this suit before moving into the royal court cards. This card shows that strong families are connected with the devil. Even Christ said that he came to break up families because whoever loves their family more than God is not worthy of Him.

Upright keywords: gain, riches, family, archives, home, abode, crest, affluent, upscale, first class

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