The Relationship Tarot Reading

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The Relationship Spread

The Relationship

The devil offers relationship advice like a matchmaker of lust. This Relationship spread attempts to break down the realtionship between 2 people using a scientific method of psychology. It is interpreted by analyzing the differences between the matching cards on either side of the relationship.

The first card to be seen is the significator. This card represents the overall theme and mood of the entire relationship. Next we move to interpreting the 2 columns that characterize each individual's role in the pair.

The top row shows the conscious thoughts of each person, or what they think about the relationship and their partner. The middle row, cards #6-3 show the way each individual feels about the other.

The bottom row represents the way each person acts in the relationship. The stance they take could be genuine, or maybe it is just a facade.

The Relationship Reading

  You   Other Person
Ace of Pentagrams
Page of Swords
8 of Pentagrams

9 of Swords

(external appearance)

9 of Cups
7 of Swords


9 of Swords

A man feels tremendous shame due to an evil succubus robbing him of the oil of gladness. The terrible trauma of having been seduced by a demon causes a profound loss of dignity. To rub it in, the nocturnal emission is so evil that it totally ruins the sheets.

The swords that are mounted above the bed are a sign of extreme cruelty. The man's soul writhes in excruciating pain and agony, humiliated by the sick pleasure that he realizes that the sin has given him. As he facepalms in disgrace, the movie of the climax of his dream replays over and over.

The evil man may have secretly enjoyed and even prayed for the succubus visit. His greatest shame is that he has been caught in this cycle of sin for ever. He pretends to repent but can't break out of the loop.

Upright keywords: suspicion, doubt, fear, guilt, shame, deception, delay, disappointment, despair


Your Thoughts

Ace of Pentagrams

The evil Thing that keeps handing off the sign of each suit offers you power directly from the devil. The printer called this suit Pentacles, when it is obviously Pentagrams in reality. The material and carnal implications of this suit makes it the most wicked of all signs. Though debauchery may abound all throughout each suit of the tarot deck, much of it was concentrated into this suit by the evil mastermind of black magic, Waite.

The pentagram is the sign of the devil. It is the satanic attempt to blaspheme the holy symbol of the crucifix; it is their response to the cross. The sign was traditionally used in evil occult ceremonial rites when they used to call upon the devil in secret.

After Anton Szandor LaVey branded his satanic religion with the pentagram, it was official: Satan was now being openly worshipped. Since LaVey's death, Satanism has flourished. When this card comes up it shows the seed of evil being planted. This card represents the essence of wickedness. It brings earthly and carnal delights.

Upright keywords: contentment, felicity, ecstasy, witty intelligence, gold, carnal pleasure, seed of evil

Their Thoughts

Page of Swords

A swift runner rides a wave of expedience. He skates across the top of the land as if it were ice, making it look easy. He is active and aware. He must be on full alert because his enemies could come at him from any direction at any time.

This guy is a real jerk, which should be fairly obvious due to his apparent lack of friends and abundance of enemies. He is quick witted and sinister in his insults. He takes pleasure not only in other people's misfortunes, but in selfishly having caused their misfortune himself.

He is paranoid because that's the position he puts himself in. Ordinary people spend their lives avoiding tense situations. The Page of Swords spends his life getting into tense situations. He is a born troublemaker.

Upright keywords: authority, overseeing, discernment, examination, vigilance, spying


Your Emotions

8 of Pentagrams

In the guise of artist, a man does the work of Satan. This card is a sign of excessive pride and vanity. He takes so much pride in doing the devil's deeds that his ego expands exponentially. Before he knows it, he believes himself to be a god. Unfortunately he has only risen to the height of folly.

The satanic works of the man are proudly displayed at the man's work station. He does batches of satanic sigils before distributing them to Satan's growing army of worshippers. Each work takes on a life of its own, spreading evil in a systematic web spun by the devil himself.

The devil's works could be anything intended to spread his message: any kind of art, crafts, poetry, books, movies, TV shows, new age religions, or any kinds of ideas large or small. One must be careful because in these times satanism is being sold on every street corner in all manner of packaging.

Upright keywords: work, employment, commission, craftsmanship, business, preparation, skill, labor

Their Emotions


The angel in this card is mixing strong drink. The triangle on his robe represents fire, and it is also a sign of alchemy. This enlightened figure looks like the guy who was crucified in the name of Satan on the Hanged Man card. Dipping his injured toes into the soothing pool confirms our suspicion. He was tied up by the same foot in the previous scenario.

We also notice that he's the same angel that appeared on the Lovers card. This guy seems to be a very important figure in the play of the tarot cards. He is apparently a messenger of the LORD, as we can see his face is like the sun.

Upright keywords: healing, rest, regrouping, recovery, restoration, fortification, rebuilding


Your Facade

9 of Cups

A glutton reels in pleasure after consuming mass quantities of spiritous beverages. He squats in a wide stance, feeling enormous after having committed the thoughtless sin. His ego swells as much as his stomach, yet his pride is false. He folds his arms on top of his fat stomach to conceal his growing embarassment.

He keeps telling himself that it's alright because it feels good so he keeps doing it. Before he knows it his physique will resemble the blob. Like the blob, his stomach will eventually eat him. Then it will undoubtedly continue to ingest everything it comes in contact with. Unchecked gluttony may not be the worst of the 7 sins, but it certainly is the ugliest.

The card, wherever it appears in the spread indicates a greedy person who takes more than their fair share whenever possible. He is like an obnoxious fat leach who ruins the party by eating all the catering. In his lame mind it is his birthright to act like an obnoxious fat stomach because that's just what he is.

Upright keywords: favor, contentment, satiety, luxury, abundance, gluttony, too much, fatness

Their Facade

7 of Swords

A thief looks over his shoulder as he makes away with 5 of 7 swords. Just like the 10 of Wands, their owners were having supper. This heist is not as easy as grabbing 10 wands though. Swords are a lot harder to carry so he can only manage 5 of them. He treads lightly, knowing that anybody in those tents might notice their sword or their friend's walking away.

He is tiptoeing away from the scene of the crime, wishing that he was invisible. In Waite's Book of Black Magic, criminals are encouraged to do heinous spells of unimaginable evil. Waite, the maker of this tarot deck was a sinister occultist who was one of the most notorious proponents of evil that the world has ever known.

Knowing just a little about the twisted mind of Waite, we may assume that the fez-like cap the thief dons is most likely his hat of invisibility. The pathetic spell that the man must perform to even become invisible requires a night in the grave yard, where he must dig up a corpse and steal its hand, which then of course he puts in his pocket for good luck when he does crimes.

Upright keywords: design, attempt, wish, hope, confidence, also quarrelling, slander, babbling

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