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The Relationship Tarot Reading

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The Relationship Spread

The Relationship

The devil offers relationship advice like a matchmaker of lust. This Relationship spread attempts to break down the realtionship between 2 people using a scientific method of psychology. It is interpreted by analyzing the differences between the matching cards on either side of the relationship.

The first card to be seen is the significator. This card represents the overall theme and mood of the entire relationship. Next we move to interpreting the 2 columns that characterize each individual's role in the pair.

The top row shows the conscious thoughts of each person, or what they think about the relationship and their partner. The middle row, cards #6-3 show the way each individual feels about the other.

The bottom row represents the way each person acts in the relationship. The stance they take could be genuine, or maybe it is just a facade.

The Relationship Reading

  You   Other Person
The Wheel of Fortune
Page of Swords

10 of Swords

Ace of Pentagrams
(external appearance)

The Fool
King of Cups


10 of Swords

Now that's what you call getting stabbed in the back. The swords tear the man 10 new asses. This is one of the most evil signs in all the tarot deck. Extreme wrath is not holy. It is unholy unless Jehovah goes before thee in wrath. Running down the base of his skull down the back of his leg are 10 fatal stab wounds.

This is an obvious case of extreme overkill. In the tarot reading it represents somebody going way over the top or crossing the line way too far. The excessive nature of the punishment enacted in this scene should seem vile unto thee.

Sunset looms on the horizon and the sea is dead still. If the Death card was not supposed to mean actual death, the combination of it with this card just might. Black clouds hang overhead, symbolic of a heavy burden to bear.

Upright keywords: death, miscarriage, back-stabbing, excessive force, overkill, extreme, annihilation


Your Thoughts

The Wheel of Fortune

This card is full of evil Egyptian pagan symbolism to blaspheme the guardians of the garden. The 4 symbolic creatures clearly reflect the visions of cherubs by Old Testament prophets. The Wheel in the sky contains Hebrew characters written around a blasphemous occult sigil that looks to be out of the Necronomicon.

The Sphinx sits on top of the Wheel as the blasphemous serpent sidewinds down the left side. Riding up the other side of the buttocks of the devil Set is the Wheel of Fortune.

This Wheel is supposed to represent fate and karma. It seems that the forces of evil have taken the Wheel while the cherubs were busy studying the Bible.

Upright keywords: karma, fate, destiny, augury, prophecy, omen, providence, fortune

Their Thoughts

Page of Swords

A swift runner rides a wave of expedience. He skates across the top of the land as if it were ice, making it look easy. He is active and aware. He must be on full alert because his enemies could come at him from any direction at any time.

This guy is a real jerk, which should be fairly obvious due to his apparent lack of friends and abundance of enemies. He is quick witted and sinister in his insults. He takes pleasure not only in other people's misfortunes, but in selfishly having caused their misfortune himself.

He is paranoid because that's the position he puts himself in. Ordinary people spend their lives avoiding tense situations. The Page of Swords spends his life getting into tense situations. He is a born troublemaker.

Upright keywords: authority, overseeing, discernment, examination, vigilance, spying


Your Emotions


Famine has taken over the land bringing plagues and destruction. The king has fallen dead and his subjects have come to expect the same fate. The Pope or Hierophant stands up to Death when ordinary mortals bow.

The sun is setting between the gates, symbolic of the death of another day. Death rides into town on a pale horse, but this grim reaper is waving a flag instead of a sythe. On his flag we see satanic symbols of forbidden fruit sitting inside a five-pointed flower reminiscent of the pentagram.

The Death card is the most feared card in the deck, and for obvious reasons. Who wants to find out when somebody they know is going to die? Psychic readers will tell you every time that the Death card is not bad, but this is the biggest lie they can possibly tell. How much more lying do you think they do in an average reading?

Reversed keywords: evil omen, curse, destruction, end, finished, plague, sickness, injury, harm

Their Emotions

Ace of Pentagrams

The evil Thing that keeps handing off the sign of each suit offers you power directly from the devil. The printer called this suit Pentacles, when it is obviously Pentagrams in reality. The material and carnal implications of this suit makes it the most wicked of all signs. Though debauchery may abound all throughout each suit of the tarot deck, much of it was concentrated into this suit by the evil mastermind of black magic, Waite.

The pentagram is the sign of the devil. It is the satanic attempt to blaspheme the holy symbol of the crucifix; it is their response to the cross. The sign was traditionally used in evil occult ceremonial rites when they used to call upon the devil in secret.

After Anton Szandor LaVey branded his satanic religion with the pentagram, it was official: Satan was now being openly worshipped. Since LaVey's death, Satanism has flourished. When this card comes up it shows the seed of evil being planted. This card represents the essence of wickedness. It brings earthly and carnal delights.

Upright keywords: contentment, felicity, ecstasy, witty intelligence, gold, carnal pleasure, seed of evil


Your Facade

The Fool

The Fool is exactly what you are if you are using tarot cards. This card appears as a warning that you are in danger. You better be careful. You could go right over the edge. If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

On top of his complete disregard for the dangers that he tempts, the Fool is obviously a homosexual who is careless even when it comes to committing bestiality. He prances around like a faerie wishing that he could fall into the lap of a big macho man on his descent into debauchery.

The warning this card signifies should be heeded with extreme caution lest you end up falling into a bottomless pit with hell fire and brimstone at the bottom. You had better straighten up your ways too. Just because everybody is gay these days doesn't mean that the LORD has changed the law. Go put on some pants, weirdo.

Upright keywords: careless, flighty, hair-brained, dreamy, wreckless, happy, aloof, happy

Their Facade

King of Cups

The patriarch of the Cups suit sits on his throne, which is adrift at sea. He is the king of the element of water. The extreme representation of him sailing the seas alone on his throne is as bold of a statement as if he could walk on water. Where is his kingdom? It must be under the sea.

His power is as solid as the foundation of his kingdom, which symbolically supports him. He must be as light as a feather if he doesn't want to sink. What good is a kingdom if it sits on the ocean floor?

Behind him on either side is a whale or large fish jumping out of the water and a ship sailing. He dons the dorkiest crown in the deck, looking like a real nerd. Perhaps that is why he seems so isolated and detached from his world.

Upright keywords: fair, responsible, equity, science, judge, experience, art, creativity, intelligence

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