The Relationship Tarot Reading

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The Relationship Spread

The Relationship

The devil offers relationship advice like a matchmaker of lust. This Relationship spread attempts to break down the realtionship between 2 people using a scientific method of psychology. It is interpreted by analyzing the differences between the matching cards on either side of the relationship.

The first card to be seen is the significator. This card represents the overall theme and mood of the entire relationship. Next we move to interpreting the 2 columns that characterize each individual's role in the pair.

The top row shows the conscious thoughts of each person, or what they think about the relationship and their partner. The middle row, cards #6-3 show the way each individual feels about the other.

The bottom row represents the way each person acts in the relationship. The stance they take could be genuine, or maybe it is just a facade.

The Relationship Reading

  You   Other Person
5 of Wands
The Chariot
Knight of Cups

The Wheel of Fortune

The Hermit
(external appearance)

Queen of Pentagrams
8 of Pentagrams


The Wheel of Fortune

This card is full of evil Egyptian pagan symbolism to blaspheme the guardians of the garden. The 4 symbolic creatures clearly reflect the visions of cherubs by Old Testament prophets. The Wheel in the sky contains Hebrew characters written around a blasphemous occult sigil that looks to be out of the Necronomicon.

The Sphinx sits on top of the Wheel as the blasphemous serpent sidewinds down the left side. Riding up the other side of the buttocks of the devil Set is the Wheel of Fortune.

This Wheel is supposed to represent fate and karma. It seems that the forces of evil have taken the Wheel while the cherubs were busy studying the Bible.

Upright keywords: karma, fate, destiny, augury, prophecy, omen, providence, fortune


Your Thoughts

5 of Wands

Only 5 ranks into the suit of Wands, mankind has already ensured its own downfall. Instead of turning the other cheek and loving their neighbors, man seeks vengeance as a source of pleasure. His lust for blood culminates in war, which is what we have here. This is the card of war and aggression.

What has actually happened is that man has avoided the LORD's commandments and forsaken His wisdom. The LORD knows that man's nature is perpetually evil, which is why He keeps warning us. Here the problem is that things have gone too far. Too many men are now opening the gates of hell, to the point where it even seems to become commonplace.

The competion has actually gotten so fierce that bedlam has erupted. Chaos ensues in an apocalyptic battle where it's every man for himself. This card means there is a big fight in the position it appears in the spread.

Upright keywords: fight, battle, strife, opposition, war, aggression, competition, greed

Their Thoughts

The Chariot

The Charioteer rides from city to city stopping to make public speeches. His traveling podium conceals a permanent erection that is the driving force behind all of his speeches. Blatant phallic symbols decorate the crest of his podium suggesting flamboyant bisexuality coupled with sexual addiction.

The hypocrite driving this Chariot speaks against the temptations of sex while engaging in every act of debauchery that presents an opportunity. His limits know no bounds. Children and the mentally challenged present easy targets for the roving predator.

His draft animals are sphinxes that are mirror reflections and color inversions of each other. Criminals are criminals day and night, so remember that during the day they must at least appear legitimate. Watch out for this snake oil saleman, who has probably only rode into town looking for a victim. Whether he's selling sex, drugs, or rock and roll, just say 'No' to this bad apple.

Upright keywords: journey, trip, adventure, mishap, travel, car, ride, visitor, an old friend from out of town


Your Emotions

Knight of Cups

A creek unwinds in the distance between flat plains and a rocky range. The Knight of Cups gracefully rides into the picture taking center stage. His helmet boasts a pair of wings, symbolic of his lofty imagination. He is a dreamer.

Like any card, his appearance can take on different meanings depending on which position he appears in the spread. He may represent a person of authority you will encounter, or he could represent you achieving a level of authority.

Mainly he is an emotional type. But he also has an influence of a lot of thinking, which brews a storm above waters that may appear calm. One moment the waters are mellow, but they are ready to go into a high tide at any minute.

Upright keywords: seduction, arrival, approach, advances, proposition, demeanour, invitation, incitement

Their Emotions

The Hermit

The Hermit is an old man who has spent too much time in the mountains talking to himself. He has clearly lost touch with reality following his own light instead of the light of Jesus. He delusionally believes himself to be God. Malnutrition is sinking in and he hasn't even cut his own hair in years.

The guy is just a loser, actually less that a loser because he quit the whole game of life. Yet he goes off to some fictional mountaintop where he is king of the world. He is master of all he sees, but his vision is skewed.

This card is much like the third trump, the Empress in its representation of Sloth as a coveted treasure. The only difference is that she is rich and he is a bum.

Upright keywords: reject, sloth, outcast, unemployment, delusional, self-deception, aberration


Your Facade

Queen of Pentagrams

The wicked queen's throne is decked out with satanic symbols. She holds the pentagram in her lap as if symbolically to love and nourish the antichrist. She may indeed represent the mother of the antichrist, the scarlet woman. She certainly dresses just like her.

She is fully focused on her evil intentions, whatever the abomination she holds so dear may be. The card is is sign of a woman in love with the devil. However disgusting the wretched thing she loves may seem to other people, to her it's her baby. It means the world to her.

The sun is about to set in her wild kingdom. The vine of roses shows that she is overflowing with love. Unfortuantely though she may have the best of intentions, every rose has its thorn. Just like every night has its dawn. Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.

Upright keywords: opulence, generous, magnificent, security, liberty, caressing, nurturing, motherly

Their Facade

8 of Pentagrams

In the guise of artist, a man does the work of Satan. This card is a sign of excessive pride and vanity. He takes so much pride in doing the devil's deeds that his ego expands exponentially. Before he knows it, he believes himself to be a god. Unfortunately he has only risen to the height of folly.

The satanic works of the man are proudly displayed at the man's work station. He does batches of satanic sigils before distributing them to Satan's growing army of worshippers. Each work takes on a life of its own, spreading evil in a systematic web spun by the devil himself.

The devil's works could be anything intended to spread his message: any kind of art, crafts, poetry, books, movies, TV shows, new age religions, or any kinds of ideas large or small. One must be careful because in these times satanism is being sold on every street corner in all manner of packaging.

Reversed keywords: voided ambition, vanity, exaction, usury, cunning, ingenious, intrigue

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